If there's anything that college students (and many other people alike) enjoy, it's pirates. Pirates are great at raising morale, except for ninjas. When the power of squirrels and pirates combine... !!!!



Chipper me timbers, it be a squirrel pirate! Me morale be a sky-rocketin'!

-tim
p.s. I'm not entirely sure the picture is actually a squirrel, but the file name says so. Let's pretend it is

Greetings all! Final exams at many colleges across the country (notably Purdue University main campus) start today. Students are stressing out with massive amounts of studying and worrying about minimum scores to [keep their grade/improve their grade/not fail]. Since squirrels are undeniably merry, and bring smiles to all, Oysters are Evil is proud to sponsor Squirrel Week – a week in which squirrel pictures and other squirrel-related content is collected and distributed in a nice package, one day at a time.

Today I present you with the power of the squirrel (no pun intended). As it seems, not all squirrels are good. When fallen into the depths of evil, squirrels can do damage in massive quantities, like knocking out electrical service for 2,800 CMS energy customers. Perhaps this squirrel was a good squirrel – maybe CMS energy was doing terrible things to the dwelling area of the squirrels and not using cleaner energy-generating methods like wind farms. It really makes you think.

-tim

Hi, we're posting LIVE from Buffalo Grove, IL to keep everyone updated on Superbowl goings ons and give commercial ratings. Today the New Orleans Saints will be competing with the professional football team from Indianapolis! The halftime entertainment will be provided by legendary classic rock band The Who.

Commercials will be rated on a scale from -5 Chinchillas to 5 Chinchillas, where -5 Chinchillas is the worst, 5 Chinchillas is the best, and 0 Chinchillas is neutral.

5:18pm - Walter Payton award thingy.

Queen Latifah sings not the national anthem.
Carrie Underwood sings the national anthem.

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Commercial Break #1
Movie: The Last Airbender
-4 Chinchillas

E*Trade (short commercial)
-5 Chinchillas

Rogaine foam (short commercial)
-5 Chinchillas

FTiz golf club
-5 Chinchillas

Basketball players playing Horse for McDonald's snack wrap
Garth: is this 1992?
LARRY BIRD STOLE THEIR FRENCH FRIES
-1 Chinchilla (-3 without Larry Bird)

CBS shameless self-promotion: CSI
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Coin toss! The coin toss determines who will win the game.
Saints call heads. Emmitt Smith does the flip - it is heads. Saints will win the game.

Andy is the only one here rooting for the Colts because Bibble. I am rooting for the Bears. 2nd goes to the Saints because Drew Brees went to Purdue and Colts beat the Bears in a Superbowl semi-recently.

---------------------
Commercial Break #2
Hyundai normal boring commercial
-5 Chinchillas

NFL on CBS
Superbowl promo. Doesn't count.
---------------------

Andy: I actually don't care who wins this game
Kevin: I didn't know who was playing.

Saints punt.

*Discussion about how hardcore rugby is.*

Colts kick and make field goal.
Score- Saints 0 Colts 3

---------------------
Commercial Break #3
Bud Light: house made of cans. Things fall apart because they want to drink it.
Ken: 0 for 1
-1 Chinchilla

Betty White playing playing football. Eats Snickers, turns into guy. Other guy turns into Abe Vigoda.
3 Chinchillas

Anti-abortion commercial with football player tackling mom?
-4 Chinchillas

Survivor
Andy: Sthow thucks, thumbs down (not a typo)
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Kickoff to Saints. Fumble? No.

---------------------
Commercial Break #4

Car commecial. Hyundai Sonata. Better
-5 Chinchillas

BOOST MOBILE SHUFFLE
AUTOMATIC AWESOME
Andy: Jim McMahon looks like he's 90
3 Chinchillas

Dog electrocutes man with barking collar to take Doritos
1 Chinchilla
---------------------

Announcer: Saints looking for their first first down.

*

Saints punt.

---------------------
Commercial Break #5
Robin Hood movie
-4 Chinchillas

Kid slaps guy because Doritos


Scientists party because they saw an asteroid. They drink Bud Light, asteroid turns out to be very small.
0 for 2
-4 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Note to self: make Chex mix with goldfish crackers mixed in

Touchdown Colts. Extra point is good. Score 10-0 (Colts)

---------------------
Commercial Break #6
Simpsons: Burns is broke.
Drinking Coca-Cola for something. People like Burns? Milhouse is sorry for hitting Coke
-4 Chinchillas

Godaddy.com: Lady is getting massage. Other girl wants to be godaddy girl.
-4 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion: Undercover boss
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Kickoff to Saints.

---------------------
Commercial Break #7
Guy wants casket full of Doritos for dying wish, did not actually die and eats the Doritos
-3 Chinchillas

Bud Light: Guys talk with electronic voices/autotune
Athena: It sounds like every Kanye West song ever
-5 Chinchillas

Beaver playing fiddle! Has concert! (mosnter.com)
3 Chinchillas

The Wolfman (movie)
-5 Chinchillas

Halftime show promotion/Bridgestone tires
---------------------

Nothing happens?

---------------------
Commercial Break #8

Killer whale in pickup truck, deliver it back to ocean. "Now that was a bachelor party."
-4 Chinchillas

Shape-Ups/Sketchers
-5 Chinchillas

Boy is knowledgeable about things, but does not know about buying cars
-5 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion
Melisa: NO. ABSOLUTELY NO BECAUSE DAVID CARUSO IS IN THIS COMMERCIAL
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints make field goal
Score 10 Colts / 3 Saints

---------------------
Commercial Break #9
Guy runs into cafe because bridge is out and Bud truck on other side. Human bridge.
Melisa: This is a terrible idea
Garth: I like how there's human guardrails, as if they would do anything
-3 Chinchillas

Shutter Island
-5 Chinchillas

Guy talks about heart attacks. CBS cares
-5 Chinchillas

David Letterman and Oprah, then Leno watching Superbowl. Letterman: this is the worst Superbowl party ever. *mocks Leno*
-4 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Kickoff to Saints

---------------------
Commercial Break #10
People not wearing shirts or pants
careerbuilder.com
-4 Chinchillas

Guys singing "I wear no pants"
Dockers: it's time to wear pants (bad part)
-2 Chinchillas because no pants!

Bret Favre 2020 MVP giving speech
3 Chinchillas
---------------------

Colts punt after missing catch

---------------------
Commercial Break #11
Lady finds plane's radio equipment, thinks they can get off island. Guy finds beverage cart full of Bud Light, everyone excited
-3 Chinchillas

Song about being a man? Dove for Men
-5 Chinchillas

75th NFL Draft/Superbowl halftime show
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

I predict the songs played in the halftime show will be:
Pinball Wizard, Who Are You, Baba O'Riley, and Won't Get Fooled Again

2 minute warning with Saints in red zone

---------------------
Commercial Break #12
Guys thinking about what they will do all day for women, and so they can drive the Dodge Charger
-5 Chinchillas

Lady gets flowers in a box, flowers talk to her about flowers in a box being a bad idea
-4 Chinchillas

Papa John's
-5 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion going to space
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

4th down Saints, still in red zone

---------------------
Commercial Break #13

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland
-4 Chinchillas

KISS Dr Pepper. Short people playing
-5 Chinchillas

Groundhog day: mini Tony Palamano sees his shadow and is scared
-3 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints do not get touchdown, turnover on downs.

---------------------
Commercial Break #14
Harry Potter Theme Park at Universal Studios
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Someone calls for chain guys to measure, ball is at least 1 foot short.

---------------------
Commercial Break #15
Girlfriend has removed guy's spine, should get mobile TV to watch football
-2 Chinchillas
---------------------

Colts punt
Announcer: He has to make sure he didn't let Peyton Manning go down and get more points
Timeout with a few seconds left in the half

---------------------
Commercial Break #16
Intel core processors extra good or something, robot is sad
Andy: this commercial would be better if the robot was Johnny-5
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints make field goal. Score: 10-6
Half ends!

---------------------
Commercial Break #17 (last one rated until halftime is over)
"My Generation" playing while historic things are shown. flo tv
-5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion: NCIS
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

Honda commercial
-5 Chinchillas

Chase bank. OLD COMMERCIAL. WASTE
-5 Chinchillas

Dramatic animals faces (including the dramatic prairie dog) because carmax buys your cars even if you don't buy theirs
1 Chinchilla
---------------------

Halftime show with The Who

---------------------
Commercial break #18

CBS Shameless shelf-promotion
-5 Chinchillas

The Back-Up Plan (movie)
-5 Chinchillas

LG phones/US Cellular - regular commercial
-5 Chinchillas

Acura
-5 Chinchillas

Boston:More Than A Feeling playing while guy jumps into plastic balls (Powerball now here in Illinois)
-3 Chinchillas (would be -5 if not for Boston)

Ford/Mike Rowe (regular commercial)
-5 Chinchillas

Superbowl shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Kickoff to Colts
ONSIDE KICK RECOVERED
Players are fighting! Colt kicked Saint in face!!
3 Chinchillas

Saints touchdown - WITH DIVE. Extra point is good.
Score 13 Saints, 10 Colts

---------------------
Commercial Break #19
Price of Persia with Jake Gyllenhal
-5 Chinchillas

Things happen... guy falls on sideways ladder

Slug Volkswagon (kid punches old man almost in groin)
Stevie Wonder sees one?
0 Chinhillas

Chickens at bar, screaming about Grand Slam (EGGS)
Andy: I didn't like that
-4 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion, but with NPH
-4 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints kick off to Colts (should have been another onside kick)

Colts touchdown. Extra point is good.
Score 17 Colts, 13 Saints

---------------------
Commercial Break #20
Michelob Ultra with Song 2. Lance Armstrong
-5 Chinchillas

Chevy Chase / Beverly D'Angelo - Vacation / HomeAway.com
-1 Chinchilla

Guy can give Bridgestone tires or life, thinks it was wife?
-5 Chinchillas

kgb, two skinny guys against sumo wrestler. One guy finds translation for "I surrender" other "Bring it on fat man"
-4 chinchillas

---------------------

Nothing happens.

---------------------
Commercial Break #21
Guy walking around in Africa, along cliff, stays safe among animal dangers. Gets Coke from outdoor fridge
-5 Chinchilla

Baby using e-trade even though you have to be 18 to use it. Milkoholic Lindsey
-5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints attempt field goal - kick is good. Score 17 (Colts) 16 (Saints)

---------------------
Commercial Break #22
Snapshot of America production meeting. Census?

Google searches, about evolution of a relationship
Last search should have been "how is babby formed"
-4 Chinchillas
---------------------

Nothing happens.

---------------------
Commercial Break #23
Giant sock monkey and friends! Bear in hot tub with girl. They are toys of child, in back seat
Melisa: I'm pretty sure that bear would absorb all the water
1 Chinchilla

Roundup weed killer
Garth: That's a good commercial to show in February
-5 Chinchillas

Bud Select 55
-5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Announcer: Well this is an exciting 3rd quarter

---------------------
Commercial Break #24
Space shuttle audio while football player jumps into end zone in slow motion, crowd shots
-4 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

Guys scrambling to get valentine's day stuff at Walgreens
Christine: Why would you shop for that at Walgreens?
Garth: Because you forgot.
-5 Chinchillas

Miller High Life with Tim's baseball shop in Chicago, who kicks instead of waving
-4 Chinchillas

old car commercial (Mercedes)
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Colts miss 51 yard field goal - wide left.

---------------------
Commercial Break #25
Beyonce grabbed by machines, and other people, including Chocolate Rain guy
-4 Chinchillas

Trainer using Emerald nuts to train humans as if they were dolphins
-3 Chinchillas

NFL Draft AGAIN
-5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion (Undercover Boss)
-5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Discussion about senior NFL, boxing, NHL, NASCAR - because there's senior PGA

Bald guy gets hit and hat flies off
Andy: That was the best part of the Superbowl

Saints touchdown, go for two points - no good?
Score 22 Saints, 17 Colts

---------------------
Commercial Break #26
Dante's Inferno
Garth: I did not like the musical selection

Baby cow watches clydesdale and runs with it, grows horns and runs through fence to go along
Andy: That could have been good if it wasn't bad
-3 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints challenge two point conversion being not good, we think he has it.
Call overturned - Saints 24, Colts 17

Kickoff to Colts

---------------------
Commercial Break #27
Polygonal squirrel AND funk music (for Honda or something, it doesn't matter)
3 Chinchillas

Chickens screaming, except you can't hear one in space (Denny's EGGS)
2 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

CBS shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

CBS shame self-promotion, with Joe Mantegna for Criminal Minds
-4 Chinchillas (+1 for Joe Mantegna of the original Superfans)
---------------------

Injury timeout

---------------------
Commercial Break #28

Green police (with Dream Police playing)
-4 Chinchillas

Charles Barley (for taco bell $5 box) is terrible at rhythm - radio commercial was bad enough - he looks lost
-6 Chinchillas
---------------------

Saints interception returned for touchdown
(people here cheering)
Andy: You people are way too excited for being a fan of neither team
Andy: Bibble must be crying, he's probably drinking Garth's vodka

---------------------
Commercial Break #29

Someone took my (Tim's) Doritos, gets Dorito thrown into his neck like shuriken
4 Chinchillas
---------------------

Kickoff to Colts

---------------------
Commercial Break #30
Ladies book club with Bud Light, more guys show up later
-5 Chinchillas

Old car commercial (Hyundai Sonata)
-5 Chinchillas

More babies for e*trade ("oh he's eating lobster tooooo")
-4 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion (Amazing Race)
Automatic -5 Chinchillas
---------------------

Timeout New Orleans, does not go to commercial break.

Ken: Peyton Manning is like "Let's continue going in this direction"

---------------------
Commercial Break #31
Shape-Ups
-5 Chinchillas

godaddy fake news report
-5 Chinchillas

Lady blowing out candles for birthday SCREAMING CHICKEN
-4 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless Self-Promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless Self-Promotion
-6 Chinchillas
---------------------

Ball tipped and bounces off of upright!
Colts turn over on downs while in red zone.

Clock runs out - New Orleans Saints win 31-17

---------------------
Final Commercial Break (#32)
e*trade - baby is terrible dancer, talks about other stuff
-4 Chinchillas

Chevy boring
-5 Chinchillas

Campbell's chunky soup
-5 Chinchillas

Pace salsa (OLD)
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

flotv
-5 Chinchillas

CBS Shameless self-promotion
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

Football player gives recipe (US Cellular) (OLD)
Automatic -5 Chinchillas

Carmax dramatic animals, except the dog
1 Chinchilla
---------------------

Terry Tate: Office Linebacker of a few years ago has spoiled us. Will there ever be great commercials like that again? At least there were a few gems or semi-gems among the muck.

Announcers wearing massive Mardi Gras beads, suddenly fair weather fans.

Boiler Up!

-tim

Finally, this year's Groundhog Day comic is done! I started it on the 1st, but didn't have a big enough chunk of time to willingly sit around and finish it (and make it look decent) until this weekend.

For you I have gathered three different articles on this - that being PETA's suggestion to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot, because being the most catered to groundhog in the world could prove to be very traumatic for him. It's just not nice! Of course, one can't help but wonder what could go wrong with a robot groundhog...

That said, the last panel may have been a little over the top. I wasn't originally going to do the lasers at first, but I really like drawing lasers doing what they do in the comic. Enjoy!

-tim

I just wanted to check in to let everyone know that we will indeed be posting Superbowl information LIVE today.

Not only that, but I will also follow the yearly tradition of posting a groundhog day comic today! It may be late, but it will be done! Check back later for exciting updates today.

-tim